


The Talk(Tm)

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Shiro decides to give the other paladins the Talk(Tm), because he is a Responsible Adult(Tm), poor space dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10467495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I have decided it is time I… Gave you guys… The Talk.” It looked like it was painful for him to say.





	

It was just a normal day when Shiro suddenly called them into the control room for an “urgent meeting” (He said it was urgent but also said they didn’t need to come in their armor?). The four of them sat around Shiro’s feet, Keith naturally sitting next to Lance (They had recently started dating after a mission made them realize that their “rivalry” was really just a huge crush), Hunk sitting on Lance’s other side, and Pidge sitting next to him. They stared up at Shiro who was… Blushing? And Allura and Coran were giggling in the background… His brows furrowed and he frowned. ‘ _ Just what is going on? _ ’ He thought to himself. But before he or anyone else could ask, Shiro cleared his throat. 

“So, I’m sure you guys are wondering what this is about,” He started, pausing to look at them. They were all nodding. He continued. “In light of  _ recent events _ ,” He looked at Keith and Lance and suddenly they had a bit of a feeling of what this was about. “I have decided it is time I… Gave you guys… The Talk.” It looked like it was painful for him to say.

They exploded into incredulous cries of “What?!” and Coran left a bark of laughter escape. Shiro glared at him, then continued. “Look, I don’t know what you know, but I’m gonna assume it’s not a lot so I’m going to go over the basics.” He gestures to Keith and Lance. “You two are already dating,” He then gestures to Hunk and Pidge. “And you two might end up dating someday and you need to be  _ prepared  _ so you can have  _ safe relationships _ .” Each paladin groaned, their faces turning a different shade of red. “Come on Shiro, do we really have to do this?” Pidge whines. “Have you had it before?” He asks. She scowls at the ground. “I know I haven’t, but I mean come on We’re 18, Pidge is 15, I’m pretty sure we kinda know this stuff by now so can we just, not?” Hunk pipes up. The other three chime in agreements.

Shiro sighs. He really doesn’t want to do this, and he also really doesn’t want to think about how they “kinda know this stuff already” (Yes he was a teenager once and definitely “kinda knew” for what he’s assuming are the same reasons but the younger paladins are like younger siblings to him and no one wants to think about their younger siblings getting into  _ that  _ which is definitely most of the reason why he doesn’t want to do this but they’re in space so their parents can’t do it so he’ll have to step up and take the burden). 

“Guys, I don’t want to do this either. I’d really rather not. But, I figured it was best if we did before something bad happens. Not that I think it will, just that I’d like for you to be prepared.” Lance leaned over to Keith and whispered (not very quietly) “Are their STDs in space?” Everyone looks at him and Shiro replies “I don’t know and I’d rather not find out.” Lance opens his mouth but then shuts it and Keith chimes in “But Shiro what about space condoms?” And everyone snickers. Shiro can’t decide if Keith is being serious or not but decides not to yell at him for it. It was Keith so it’s very plausible he was being serious. “Ah yes, Alteans did in fact have their own form of what you know as condoms.” Coran chimes in. He’s glad he explained to them what exactly The Talk Tm was beforehand. 

_ “Uh so, I was thinking,” Shiro started, his face reddening. Allura and Coran gave him curious looks. “Since Lance and keith are now… A thing… Maybe it’s time we uh, had the talk the the other paladins?” Allura looked slightly alarmed. “Lance and Keith are what? Are they ok?” He made a disgruntled noise. “No no, they’re fine, they’re just dating now you know? On Earth we sometimes say that couples are ‘A Thing’” He explained. She perked up immediately. “Ah ok. So now that they are ‘a thing’ why must we have a ‘talk’ with all of them?” She questioned. Coran picked up almost immediately, and Shiro was grateful. “Oh, Princess, he means The Talk, you know, like the one your parents had with you when you were old enough to start dating.” She looked at him, and then it hit her. “Oh, yes, The Talk. Ok.” She smiled at him. “That sounds like a good idea!” _

It was not a good idea. It was a horrible idea. But, it was too late. He was going through with this. “Ok so, when kids start to become teenagers they start to go through this thing called puberty.” They all groaned. “Come on Shiro we’ve already gone through puberty.” Lance whined. “Yeah skip to the dick Shiro” Pidge agreed. He opened his mouth to say something but she, Hunk, and Lance started chanting “Skip to dick! Skip to dick!” They had got Keith to join in when Shiro cut them off. “Alright, Alright!” He waved his arms, trying to get them to shush. He gave a resigned sigh and started again. “So during puberty people start to go through hormone changes,” He held up a finger to stop them from starting their chant again. “And they start to become attracted to one another.” He pretended like he didn’t notice Lance lace his fingers with Keith's when he said that (Seriously it took them that long? He was honestly surprised they weren’t holding hands from the beginning).

“When two people like each other a lot they may decide they want to….” He gestures vaguely. “Have fuck?” Lance offers. “Lance!” He reprimands, then adds “But yes, they have sex.” Why was it so hard for him to say? (Well, probably because he  _ REALLY  _ did not want to think about the other paladins having sex. They’re all still so young in his eyes.) “Anyways, when two people love each other very much they have sex. They usually (hopefully) do it in the privacy of their bedrooms, with protection-” Lance raises a hand. “What?” He asks, unsure of what to expect. “Are you gonna make us put space condoms on space bananas?” He ask innocently (He’s assuming his innocence, giving him the benefit of the doubt). Shiro has to think about that for a moment. “Oh please no.” Pidge grumbles. “It might be useful though.” Keith argues. They all look at him, causing him to go really red. “I-it’s like Shiro said, it’s best if we’re prepared” He grumbles in his defense. 

Lance laughs and kisses his hand. “Awe, you’re so cute~” He cooed, which does nothing to help his blush. Hunk ‘awes’ them while Pidge ‘ews’ them. Shiro decides he’s going to pretend Keith is actually on his side instead of him having plans to get nasty with his boyfriend (Which is the reason why they’re having this conversation so either way this is totally about Lance and Keith but he’s not thinking about that). “Uh, maybe later.” He says, finally answering Lance’s question. 

“Anyways… Knowing what’s good and what’s not during sex is admittedly a lot of trial and error, exploring yours and your partner's bodies, figuring out what works and what doesn’t. However, there are a few things that are fairly universal that we can go over.” They groan again (Seriously he knows they’re Edgy Teens Tm But could they stop with the groaning?). “Can’t we just do the space condoms and leave it at that?” Keith asks him. “Why don’t we just, skip the space condoms and end it here? Pretend like we went through with all of it.” Pidge adds. “No no, this is really important Pidge! What if someone gets a space STD? We need to know!” Lance retorts, waving a hand at her. Keith stares at him incredulously. In fact, they’re all staring at him. “Safe sex is a really important thing guys! We’re the defenders of the universe! How are we supposed to do that if we’re laid up with space mono or something?” Lance points out. 

“Alright fine, space condoms on space bananas, but I’m pretty sure we all know the basics. Like, G-spots and stuff right? I’m betting all of us know what and where those are.” Hunk compromises. Shiro looks to Allura and Coran once more. They stare back blankly, not quite sure what he wants. He walks over to them and clears his throat. “Uh, do you have space condoms and something…. Dick-like we can use them on? As a demonstration?” Coran nods. “I’ll go get them, just a tick!” And with that he walks off. “Now that I think about it, I don’t think I learned how to use a ‘space condom’ either” Allura comments casually. Shiro blushes again (Just when he thought he had gotten over it). “Well, it’s never too late to learn.” He mumbles. 

Coran returns a moment later with space condoms and a strange yellow fruit that looks a bit like a zucchini. “Alright paladins, time to learn how to use space condoms!” He exclaims, handing each one of them one of the strange fruit and a space condom. “Now watch and learn.” He says, showing them how to do it. “Amazing.” Lance comments. “Can you do it with your mouth?” Pidge asks him. The others stare at her. “What? If I have to suffer through this I might as well try to enjoy myself.” She justifies. “Well to answer your question I can,” Everyone in the room turns to gawk at him, “But that’s a technique you’ll have to teach yourselves. Alright paladins, your turn!”

They learn that Keith is very good at putting condoms on fruit, and Shiro makes a mental note to make sure he and Lance are ‘leaving room for Jesus’. Lance is also fairly good at it, which doesn’t come as much of a surprise to any of them. Hunk and Pidge did ok, although Pidge insisted this sort of information was not pertinent to her the entire time. “Alright everyone, after that horrible experience you are now free to go.” Shiro says. As they leave Pidge makes comments under her breath about ‘being enlightened’ and Shiro ‘saving the universe one condom at a time’. Hunk heads off to the kitchen to experiment different recipes with the odd fruit and Lance and keith go… Somewhere hand in hand. He sighs. They’re good kids, he’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. This time.

“Do you want to?” Lance asks him as they walk down hall, back to one of their rooms for some cuddling. “Hm?” Keith looks at Lance quizzically, who looks away blushing. “You know. Have sex. Eventually.” Lance answers. Keith laughs. “The only thing that outweighs my love for you is my fear of Shiro.” Lance laughs with him. “Seriously. I’m surprised he doesn’t like, carry around a ruler and make sure there’s always one foot between us.” Lance jokes. “Yeah, and I’m surprised he lets us hang out alone, or sleep in the same room.” Keith adds. Lance purses his lips. “Maybe he doesn’t know about the rooms thing.” They pause and look at each other, then say at the same time “Maybe he doesn’t have to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I, the asexual teenager who's never even kissed someone before actually wrote a fic of someone giving others The Talk (Seriously, I had to ask someone to give ME the talk over text for this and I still had to google things)


End file.
